Two > One.
We’ve added some new designs to the fine merchandise available at our Redbubble store. Go get yourself a t-shirt as worn by these very convincingly human-looking models below; all proceeds go to supporting Meade’s catnip addiction.
2019 was the year I learned that I had an allergy to soy and milk.
In retrospect, I realize I’ve been having reactions to soy for at least 15 years. I think this was masked by my struggles with ulcerative colitis. Once that was clearly in remission and I was still having problems, my gastroenterologist sent me to an immunologist for allergy testing.
I had two misconceptions when I met with the immunologist. 1) I thought as an adult that I was too old to develop a food allergy. 2) I also didn’t know a milk allergy was different from lactose intolerance.
So yeah, you can develop food allergies as an adult. In me, these manifest mainly as abdominal pain, diarrhea, and nausea, with occasional rashes/hives – which why was it was difficult to separate from ulcerative colitis until the UC was in remission.
And lactose intolerance is COMPLETELY different from a milk allergy. The former involves a missing enzyme, gas and bloating; the latter involves an immune reaction to the proteins in milk.
But I still find myself wanting to test just how allergic am I to this stuff, like maybe the diagnosis was wrong.
So it’s not easy eating with food allergies. I don’t get fast food anymore, because soy oil is ubiquitous. I don’t trust packaged/processed food even with ingredient lists and allergen warnings. I spent most of the last holiday cooking everything from scratch because even though it takes more time, it’s less painful than the alternative.
Sometimes I feel like it’s simpler to just not eat, which isn’t really a healthy mindset. I’m working on that.
As an adult recently diagnosed with a dairy and soy allergy (on top of ulcerative colitis and mastocytic enterocolitis, and environmental allergies to just about every tree and grass growing in California), I’ve had a hell of a time modifying my diet. Here at the start of things, I see soy is hiding in a lot more places than you would expect. (C’mon… wheat bread? really? why does that need soy?!) It’s proving a challenge to do weekly meal planning for a family of four that excludes BOTH ingredients. But it’s good to think about what exactly it is I’m shoving in my mouth.
This week I reached my limit just figuring out breakfast and dinner for the week and completely gave up on planning lunches for myself other than a head of lettuce and some soy-free vinaigrette. I thought it would be easy to find some quick workday lunch options at local restaurants, but boy was I wrong. NOT EVEN SALAD IS SAFE. Soy and milk ingredients pop up in burger buns, too! So I’ve been working on a list of “safe” options at local fast food joints near work.
TL;DR? Go for the Fresco Menu at Taco Bell.
The main takeaway here is that Taco Bell is the real winner if you want variety in your Soy-and-Dairy-Free fast food. Their Fresco menu is generally touted as among the best lower calorie options for fast food chains. (I really wish more table-service restaurants included ingredient/allergen information with their menus, though.)
You can blame (or credit) Sam Sykes for inspiring this exchange I had with my twin today.
Lillith
hey
sup fartlord
should I call u fartlord
or is fartlady more appropriate
Eve
❤
you may call me the Dark Queen of Farts
Dark Queen of Fart
Lillith
Darkfartqueen
Eve
XVDarkFartQueenVX
Lillith
drk
Eve
yes
yes yes
Lillith
XvDrkFartQueenvX
XxQueenFarterxX
Eve
XCashForFartsX
Lillith
XDrkFartX
Eve
XDrkFarterX
Lillith
VvDrkFrankFartervV
::FARTS::
It seems like my ulcerative colitis isn’t really under good control right now, so I have another colonoscopy (with all the preparatory joy that entails) scheduled for next week.
Anyway, contemplating my health, my twin came up with a new Lilism. She texted me with this ditty while I was in the loo; I thought it was great, so I almost immediately reshared it on Twitter. (She wasn’t going to take credit for it on social media, but it worked out anyway. HA!)
Apologies to The Eagles.
Inspired by the headline “Scientists stumped as to why shrimp is testing positive for cocaine” – a Lilism to the tune of Just to Get High, by Nickelback.
He was a Brit Shrimp
swole up like A Blimp
ODd on everything
like ketamine
when sewers overflowed
Shrimp ate the cocaine
from waters leak-ain’
he did the party drugs
with shrimpy thugs
and then some tramadole
But I can still remember what that shrimp looked like
WHEN I FOUND HIM IN THE SEWER IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIIIIIIIIGHT
2019 is turning out to be a really weird year.
This discussion happened while I was brainstorming a new monster idea with my twin.
Lillith
a thought train resembles Thomas the Tank Engine with a brain in its face and set on bestial clawed wheels
Eve
DERAIL! DERAIL!
Lillith
lolol
WELCOME TO MY NIGHTMARE
Lillith
wait
wait
you know how a drider is a drow with the body of a spider
how about a drasp, a drow with the body of a wasp
Eve
that’s horrible
Lillith
OR BETTER YET
A DRWASP
A DWARF
Eve
no no <aloud: NO, NO!>
Lillith
WITH THE BODY OF A WASP
A DWASP
SAY IT
Eve
<aloud, slowly: dwaaasp -ogod>
Lillith
Duuhh-wasp
alskjdgha’y8
Eve
NO
IT FAILS THE “SAY IT FIRST” test
Lillith
Yes
yes yES YES
Eve
god damn it lillith
Lillith
oh GOD GUYS IT’S A DWASP
RUN
IT WILL STING OUR ANKLES
Eve
god damn it stop
Lillith
AND THEN WE WILL HAVE SWOLLEN PREGNANT LADY CANKLES
Eve
DINT NAJEHTAWET
DO NOT MAKE ME COME OVER THERE
Lillith
IT MAY HAVE FAILED THE SAY IT FIRST TEST BUT IT PASSED THE DINT NAJEHTAWET TEST
It’s always beneficial to expand one’s vocabulary. With that in mind, I would refer my readers to this wonderful Wikipedia article:
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Finnish_profanity
I could work several of these into everyday conversation:
My absolute favorite is “perkele,” mostly because it’s fun to roll them Rrrrrrrs. It’s also the only Finnish swear word my mother taught me. The wiki article notes: “When used to express discontent or frustration, perkele often suggests that the speaker is determined to solve the problem, even if it will be difficult. It is associated with sisu, which in turn is an iconic Finnish trait. “
Acknowledging the occasionally dubious accuracy of Wiki articles, Finnish profanity is a wonderful rabbit hole to fall into, full of new and interesting phrases with great literal translations.
Last night in Skyrim, I, Vihera the Nord, finally gained audience with the Jarl of Haafinger in Solitude, Queen Elisif the Fair. I did this by wearing some fancy clothes that did not suit me at all, but seemed to impress the court. After all, everyone who is anyone shops at Radiant Raiment in Solitude, amirite? 1) Despite three layers of fine clothing, a fine hat and boots, I felt stark staring naked without my bow and 2) I LOOKED LIKE A TOOL. Fucking milk drinkers. One’s worth and skill in battle are not evidenced by simple cloth.
Really, Solitude isn’t that bad. The weather is nice, and they behead traitors there to welcome travelers to the city. They have a good smithy there. And they’ll call ANYONE a bard. Even me.
After I murdered a bunch of necromancers who were trying to resurrect The Wolf Queen, Vol. 1-??, Elisif’s easily-impressed Steward stopped being such a dick to me and told his Queen that I was very helpful. Clearly feeling she could now trust this rather provincial Nord, Her Highness Elisif sent me to drop off the late High King Torygg’s fancy tootle-horn at a shrine to (gasp) Talos. (I guess old Torygg was hiding some skeletons in his closet!)
Amused by this naughty little secret mission, I stomped off to the shrine, collecting a few more wolf pelts and a several score of cabbages for my collection. I’m running out of places to put them, but any true daughter or son of Skyrim knows that cabbages are almost as important as cheese.)
On my way back to Solitude, I was waylaid by some broad with the Dark Brotherhood. Apparently word has gotten out about my little moment of rage at the orphanage in Riften and the Brotherhood is desperate for recruits. I had another little moment in some abandoned shack and gutted some screeching harridan.
Anyway, Elisif was SO happy about turning a proud Nord warrior into a courier that she told me to buy a fancy house in her city and made me a Thane. All in all, I was pleased for the opportunity to move my husband (a rather boring but skilled blacksmith from Riften) and two adopted children into a fancy house in Solitude. The one in Whiterun was getting crowded, and Falkreath is a bit too rural for the boy.
