Life isn’t all bad and ugly at the moment, although it feels close.
Last week, I learned that no matter how many times someone says he/she is going to change, at their core people just don’t change. Promises of change are tempting and easy to believe, but are ultimately disappointing; at some point, one realizes that those promises aren’t being kept, and they won’t be. No one enjoys being lied to, over and over and over again.
After 12 years of marriage, my husband still values “his family” more than the immediate family he lives with, and he refuses to cut the damn apron strings tying him to his father. I don’t think this is out of any fondness for his father. I think it’s born from a desire for the approval he never got from his father as a child. That and fear of his father’s rage, if he attempts to distance himself.
I’m tired of not having a partner in this marriage, of not being able to rely on my spouse for anything. I now know he’s not going to change – which leaves only one inevitably acrimonious option, which I can’t afford. Yet – can I afford to continue supporting a parasite? I do not want my daughter to think that a normal , healthy relationship is one where the wife supports a husband who doesn’t clean, doesn’t cook, doesn’t have a job, and has no plans for his future other than to eat himself to death.
I’ve absolutely had it with meal planning. It’s an exercise in futility. I’m sick of wasting time on planning a week’s worth of healthy dinners , particularly when Brian refuses to contribute to the plan and in fact ignores it, instead preparing separate, junk food dinners for Aya and himself. I’m irritated enough with it that I’m refusing to fund a weekly trip to the grocery store this week. Instead I’ll pick up stuff for the night’s dinner on the way home from work.
And yes, I have tried to talk with Brian about all of the above. Several times. Politely and calmly. And stridently. His response at all times was a blank stare. So much for communication.
I know my life could be worse, though right now I’m at a loss to imagine how.
I read this to Shawn. He said, “Jesus Christ, what a dick.”
I couldn’t sum it up any better.
I asked Scot if we were in the situation where I worked and he could stay home with the kids, would he clean, cook, and deal with the kids? His response…
“Fuck yeah I would. If you’re busting your ass at a job and not making me go and work too, the least I can do is keep the house clean, learn how to use a stove, and deal with the heathens. Out of appreciation if nothing else.”
Admittedly I’d probably still end up doing all the grocery shopping. He’s a horrible shopper. But since I never buy junk food of any sort, he’d have a hell of a time making crap meals.